Pet loss grief: why losing a pet hurts so much and how to cope

CareOps editorial team · October 28, 2026 · 10 min read

Mental wellness information and service guidance published by CareOps.

You open the front door and the footsteps that used to rush to greet you are gone. Days pass and you still haven't put the food bowl away, while people around you may say it is time to move on. Here is why losing a pet can hurt this much, and how to make your way through that time.

What is pet loss grief? #

Pet loss refers to losing an animal companion you lived with, and the grief that comes after. Besides death, a pet going missing or having to be rehomed can also be a serious loss. “Pet loss syndrome” is a common way to describe grief that runs deep and long, but it is not a formal psychiatric diagnosis. That doesn't make the grief small. It is the grief of losing a family member who stayed by your side for years.

Common reactions after losing a pet #

These are reactions many people have after losing a pet. They aren't strange; they are the natural grief that comes with having loved.

• Tears come easily: walk times, the smell of pet food or seeing a similar animal can bring a sudden wave of sadness.
• You keep feeling the empty space: you check the food bowl out of habit or turn around because you thought you heard footsteps.
• Guilt says “I should have done more”: thoughts of noticing the illness sooner or making a different decision keep circling.
• You feel angry: at yourself, at the vet, or sometimes at people around you who seem unaffected.
• You hide your grief: you act fine because you worry someone will say “it was just an animal.”
• Sleep and eating are thrown off: it's hard to fall asleep, your appetite fades and work is hard to focus on.

A systematic review that brought together 17 qualitative studies on losing a pet found that people's accounts gathered around five themes: the relationship, grief, guilt, support and the future (Cleary et al., 2022). The researchers concluded that people grieving a pet should be supported the same way as people grieving a human loss.

Why losing a pet hurts so much #

In a study comparing 211 college students who had lost a pet with 146 who had lost a person within the past two years, grief was somewhat higher after a human death, but the difference was small. In both groups, the strongest predictor of how intense the grief was turned out to be how close they had been to the one who died (Eckerd et al., 2016). Another study of 50 people found no significant difference in grief severity (Lavorgna & Hutton, 2019). If you shared meals, walks and nights with them every day, a large empty space is only to be expected.

One thing that makes pet loss harder is when the people around you don't recognize the grief. Researchers call this disenfranchised grief. In a review of 48 studies, people who had lost a pet often described embarrassment and loneliness, and the studies agreed that they are likely to have their grief go unacknowledged (Park et al., 2023). If a remark like “just get another one” hurt you, it isn't because you are overreacting. If having no one to share the grief with has left you lonely, see coping with loneliness.

“I should have done more”: when guilt is heavy #

If you had to decide on euthanasia, feel you noticed the illness too late, or couldn't be there at the very end, guilt can be especially heavy. Guilt often grows out of how much you wanted to do right by them. When those thoughts come, try writing down the three things below, one at a time.

1. Judge by what you knew then: write down whether you knew back then what you know now. Many things only become clear once you know how it ended.
2. List what you did do: write down the things you actually did, like taking them to the vet or caring for them while they were sick.
3. Speak to yourself as you would to a friend: you wouldn't tell a friend who went through the same thing that it was all their fault. Offer yourself the words you would offer them.

The third practice comes from self-compassion; see self-esteem and self-compassion for more. If the same scene keeps replaying in your head, our guide on how to stop overthinking may help.

Coping with pet loss: five ways through grief #

Grief has no fixed order and no fixed timeline. Bereavement researchers note that stage models such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance lack solid evidence, and that expecting people to pass through stages can do harm (Stroebe et al., 2017). The dual process model instead sees healthy grieving as moving back and forth between facing the loss and rebuilding daily life, with breaks from both as part of the process (Stroebe & Schut, 1999).

1. Give yourself permission to grieve: instead of “I should stop crying by now,” tell yourself “I loved them so much, of course I'm sad.” You can even set aside a time and place where you are free to cry.
2. Find someone to talk to: share stories about your pet with someone who has had a pet or been through the same loss. Simply saying their name and sharing memories can ease the weight a little.
3. Say goodbye and keep the memories: choose photos, write a letter or keep one of their favorite things nearby as your own farewell ritual. Keeping an inner bond with them after they are gone is something many people do to cope.
4. Keep small daily rhythms: start with the basics that hold a day together, like sleep, meals and a short walk. If the times you used to share, like walk time, are the hardest, plan one small thing to do at that time.
5. Don't rush into a new pet: rather than filling the space quickly, check whether you feel ready. The right time to welcome a new companion is different for everyone.

Memorializing and continuing bonds (practice 3) and social support (practice 2) are documented in the research as coping approaches that people who lose a pet often use (Park et al., 2023). If you'd like to put your feelings into words, see how to keep an emotion diary.

Telling a child that a pet has died #

For a child, this may be the first big goodbye. Explaining it in a way that fits their age, like the ideas below, can help you go through the grief together.

• Use simple, honest words: phrases like “went away” or “went to sleep” can leave a child waiting for the pet to come back or afraid of falling asleep.
• Let them know sadness is okay: it's fine for a child to see an adult grieving. It shows them how to share sadness.
• Tell them it wasn't their fault: children sometimes believe something they did caused it.
• Include them in saying goodbye: let them say farewell in a way they can, such as drawing a picture or writing a letter.
• Answer the same questions again: children may ask the same things over time. Answer calmly each time.

When grief lasts: getting support #

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) describes prolonged grief disorder, diagnosed when grief after a death is unusually long and disrupts daily life. It applies when at least a year has passed for adults, or at least six months for children and adolescents, since losing someone close, and at least three symptoms such as intense longing or emotional pain have been present nearly every day for the past month. These criteria are written for the loss of a person, so they don't map directly onto pet loss. Still, if months later grief is badly shaking your sleep, meals, work or relationships, don't carry it alone; talk with a counselor or mental health professional. If your mood has been low nearly every day for more than two weeks, see early signs of depression too.

Who can you lean on? A social support check #

Grief after pet loss can feel a little more bearable when you have somewhere to lean. The CareOps social support check shows separately how much you feel you can rely on family, friends and a special person. It takes a few minutes with no login.

If you find it hard to grieve alone #

Grief that is hard to share with the people around you is easy to keep bottled up. CareOps Maeumi is an AI counseling app that runs sessions with approaches such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and remembers past sessions so the next one picks up where you left off. You can talk about your pet at your own pace, look at the moments that bring up guilt together and choose one small thing to do today. Get the app

This guide shares mental wellness information. If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services where you are. Support and contact information.