Four attachment styles: understanding anxiety, avoidance, and your results

CareOps editorial team · October 9, 2026 · 6 min read

General information and service guidance published by CareOps. This is not an individual diagnosis or treatment plan.

Translated from our Korean guide. Korean public services, insurance, and helpline numbers refer to South Korea. For urgent help elsewhere, contact local emergency services or a crisis line in your country.

Some people get anxious when they reply late, and some people feel suffocated as the relationship gets closer. Attachment style is the most widely known framework for explaining the difference. However, there is a much more useful way to read it than attaching a type label.

What is an attachment type?

Attachment theory started from the bond that a child forms with his/her caregiver. In 1987, psychologists Hazan and Shaver transferred this framework to adult romantic relationships, and in 1991, Bartholomew and Horowitz combined 'thoughts about myself' and 'thoughts about others' to propose the four types that are now widely used.

Current research measures adult attachment along two axes. Attachment anxiety is the degree to which you worry that your partner will leave or like you less, and Attachment avoidance is the degree to which you feel uncomfortable getting close or leaning on someone.

4 characteristics of attachment types

The fourth style, often called fearful-avoidant, combines high anxiety and high avoidance. These patterns may once have served a protective purpose: anxiety tries to hold on to a relationship, while avoidance tries to prevent being hurt.

Why we need to look at two axes rather than types

A 2015 study (Fraley et al.) analyzing data from thousands of people concluded that adult attachment is a continuum of degrees, rather than being divided into different ‘types’. Most people don't fit neatly into one of the four boxes, but are somewhere in the middle of the two axes.

• 'I'm a bit more avoidant' is more accurate than 'I'm an avoidant type.'
• Even for the same person, things change depending on the other person. It may be unstable for a lover, but stable for a friend.
• Current relationship status is included in the score. A test done right after an argument is different from a test done in a calm time.

Can attachment styles change?

It changes. In a study that followed the same people for up to 59 years (Chopik et al., 2019), attachment anxiety and avoidance decreased on average with age, and people in romantic relationships had lower anxiety and avoidance. A steady relationship with a trustworthy person and the experience of counseling provide an opportunity to learn a new sense of stability.

Things you can do in your relationship

If your anxiety is high

• Dividing facts and interpretations — ‘There has been no answer for three hours’ is a fact, and the interpretation is ‘He has cooled off towards me.’ When you want to check, just put it off for 10 minutes and write them down separately.
• Make a request instead of a criticism — It is easier to get what you want by saying “I feel safe if you call me once in the evening” rather than “Why don’t you contact me?”
• Increase your pillars outside the relationship — The more places you can lean on, such as friends, work, or hobbies, the less swayed you are by one person's reactions.

If avoidance is high

• One sentence before walking away — “I can’t figure it out right now. Let’s talk again in an hour.” Disappearing without a word and leaving a time to return have completely different effects on the other person.
• Starting with a small request — Practicing leaning starts with a small request.
• Name your emotions — Write down your feelings that you used to dismiss as ‘I don’t know’ in one word. Emotion Diary is a good exercise.

If your partner is avoidant

The more you push, the more the other person retreats. This cycle of one side chasing and the other avoiding is called the ‘demand-withdrawal pattern’ in research. Rather than demanding an answer right away, arranging a time to talk again is the starting point for breaking the loop. The detailed method is summarized in the article People who don't talk when they fight.

Where do my attachment patterns fall?

The Experiences in Close Relationships Scale (ECR-S) is a 12-item questionnaire that measures two axes: anxiety and avoidance. The results are not a determination of ‘what kind of person you are’, but rather show which side you are leaning towards. You can try it right away without logging in.

This article provides general information, not diagnosis or treatment. For urgent help, contact local emergency services or a crisis line in your country. In South Korea, the suicide prevention helpline is 109 (24 hours), and the mental health crisis line is 1577-0199.